I am still learning

So today I ended up at a mental intake clinic. I woke up this morning not feeling right, and I tried to just put it on the back burner take my medication and be on my way.  I did what I do every Tuesday, I got my swim stuff together and went to my water aerobics class. It was about half way through I realized something just was not right. I had knots in my stomach and I felt like I needed to scream. I am not one to make a big fuss and let everyone around me know what it going on, so I just quietly got out of the pool and went to my safe place, my husband. He got me focused and told me to get out of my swim clothes and get ready to leave.

As I was in the shower all I could think about was “what is wrong with me?”. I take my medication like I am supposed to and go to therapy. How is it possible to still feel out of control? I found myself begging my husband to take me to the local psych ward and have me checked in. Of course, this is not what he wanted for his wife. He told me to call my psychiatrist and see if she could fit me in, unfortunately, she could not. So I called my therapist and told her I was headed to the psych ward. So in I went. As I sat there and talked to the intake person ashamed that I was even there, she just listened to me and wrote things down. By the end of me telling her everything that was going through my head and body, she told me I didn’t qualify to get any help there because I was not a threat to myself or others around me. But she did me a huge favor she called my therapist and told her what was going on and my therapist took time out of her day and told me to come in and talk with her.

I am bipolar, I have highs and lows, my lows last forever and my highs lasts a short time. I am actually on a high period right now and it does not feel good. You would think it would feel good to be out of the depression, but when the mania hits the anxiety goes out the window. I feel like I have no control over my body and that is not a good feeling to have.

No one ever explained to me what bipolar, anxiety, depression or PCOS is or how to deal with it. It blows my mind that you can be diagnosed with something and have no idea what it is or how if affects my body. No one had ever taught me coping mechanisms when I am feeling like I need to jump out of my skin.

I have truly lucked out when it comes to therapists. She is a very sweet woman who is in the business for people’s health and not the money. She gave me a few worksheets on exercises that I could do that will help me day to day. She also taught me a breathing exercise that will help when my anxiety is out of control. I feel like I understand myself so much better just by someone explaining what is going on with me. No, I am not cured, but I understand now and I have tools to help me cope.

Please do not ever be afraid to get help or to reach out to someone. That help can change your life for the better. I hope everyone has a blessed day.

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Author: theramblingsofalostchild

I'm a stay at home mom. I'm attempting to write my life.

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